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Episode 21- Decoding AQ with Ross Thornley Feat. Judith W. Umlas - The Principles & Power of Acknowledgment

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Intro

Hi, and welcome to Decoding AQ, helping you to learn the tools, mindsets, and actions to thrive in an ever-changing world.

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Ross  

Hi, and welcome to the next episode of Decoding AQ. I have with me today, Judith W. Umlas. She is the Senior Vice President of the International Institute for Learning, where without giving away her age, she's been there for three decades nearly. An amazing author, she's written numerous books, including “The Power of Acknowledgment" and “Grateful Leadership”, which we're going to dive into a little bit today. So welcome.

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Judith  

Thank you so much, Ross. It's really a pleasure to be here.

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Ross  

I've been looking forward to today. And why don't you share just a little bit of your story, because, from a writing background, some time in TV, and then at the International Institute for Learning for a long time. Just give us a little bit of a roadmap or some of the highlights, to give us a bit of context.

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Judith  

Well, I have to give you my game-changing incident, even though it's kind of off the beaten path. I was working for a major television network in New York as a producer and writer. And at that time, I was pregnant, I was a pregnant businesswoman. And in those days, this is going back a few years into the 1980’s.

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Ross  

Into the 80's. I love the 80's music. It's one of my favorite genres of music.

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Judith  

Good, well I think that's great. You’ve been there done that. But this culture, this television culture was exciting and thrilling and I’m loving every minute of my job that I'd been there already about 10 years. And of course I wanted to keep working until my baby was born, like my due date was my plan. But when I first announced it to my colleagues that I was pregnant, suddenly everything changed, everything. Everything from, “Really, please sit down, can we help you?”, to “When are you leaving? When are you leaving the company?” like, not when you’re coming back? When are you leaving? 

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And then as things progressed, I had people say things like, “Did you swallow a basketball?” or reach out and like rub my tummy in the elevator. And I got so mad one day that I sat down and I wrote, and I just wrote and wrote and wrote. And I wrote an article called “How Not to Talk to a Pregnant Business Woman”. And I figured I got it, it was for me, I was venting. And then I submitted it. And Working Woman Magazine bought it, it was their feature story of the month. And suddenly I find myself on Good Morning America. Talking rules for how not to talk to a pregnant business woman. 

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And that was life-altering, that experience. Because for years afterwards, people found me and said, “This article changed my entire working situation”, I made copies of it and I put it on my colleague's desks and they stopped treating me like I was different and special and they just became much more, you know the way things always work. So that was my first experience with writing to change a condition that was intolerable.

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Ross  

And I guess, for you, you just said originally, it was just a way for you to vent. And it then manifested in something that caused change for you and many others, almost by accident rather than design, but it opened up that door for you.

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Judith  

Exactly. But I think in the back of my mind, I felt the situation was so intolerable, that I even thought as I was writing, “Oh I'll maybe I'll send it off to a magazine or two”. Well, I sent it out to send it out to 15 magazines, and…

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Ross  

They picked it.

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Judith  

Yes, yes. But that was career-altering for me. And then I went to work for the International Institute for Learning, in the early 1990’s. And, it's really been an amazing experience for me to work there. And we have a visionary leader or CEO, is E. LaVerne Johnson, and she's the kind of person to make a snap decision. 

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And one time I said to her, “I think our company could use a publishing division, because our chief competitor had one”, she said, “Go start it up”. I said, “No, no, no. I mean, bring in somebody.” to “No, you can do it”. You’re Phi Beta Kappa, you've got a degree in English, you do it. So I did it, that kind of thing happen. And along the way, we published a couple of books, which was very exciting. And then one day I had an incident in a coffee shop of all places, where I went to my Dunkin Donuts Coffee Shop. Do you have those in the UK?

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Ross  

We do. Yes. Although at the moment with coming out of lockdown. I don't think many have been going out to any of those kinds of locations. But yes, we do. And I spend a lot of time in the States as well. So really…

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Judith  

Okay, you're familiar with it. So I went there every day. And every day I ordered my small black, half-decaf, F regular, caramel coffee. Crazy. And so one day, I got a young woman who was new, I gave her my order. And then I came back the second day, and I got the same woman. I gave her my order. The third day I come and she's there and she's holding a cup when she sees me. I said, “What's that?” She said, “that's your small, but black, half decaf, half regular, caramel coffee”. I said, “You're a genius. How did you remember that?” I mean, don’t they have a zillion customers there and those were the days when you really had to wait. And she’s just staring at me. I mean like, no response. And then she was kind of jaw dropped and then she looked at me, I said, “Are you okay, what's wrong?”, and she said, “I never hear compliments. I only hear complaints”. That's what she said and those words, they burned a hole in my heart. And that's what, because I had noticed it all over. You know, whenever I would compliment someone they would be shocked. It was not like, “Oh, thank you, that makes a lot of sense, I appreciate it”, it was, a state of shock.

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Ross  

Normal practice.

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Judith  

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this was like, that's it. And the same kind of thing. The person who rubbed my belly in the elevator and CBS. The coffee lady had me write…

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Ross  

She did it again. Have you ever read, it reminds me of a book called “The Fred Factor”. Have you ever read The Fred Factor? 

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Judith  

I’ve heard of it, but no, I haven't.

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Ross  

It's all around finding extraordinary examples of customer service. So that lady that you've just described that triggered an event for you. I read it a long time ago. But I think Fred is modeled on a postman, who would do incredible things. But then he would spot or actually, it's written by somebody who was inspired by their postman, I think that's it, it's coming back to me, the neurons are starting to fire. He then, actively pursued finding these Fred Factor experiences in bars, in coffee shops, in wherever it was to look at customer service done well, done right. So it sounds like these experiences that happen to us, we have to listen to them. And we have to then respond in a way that bounces us forward. And it sounds like that was another event for you.

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Judith  

Oh, it was amazing. And then I went back to our CEO. And I said, “I have a book that I think I need to write”. And she said, “Oh, what is it?” I said, “I think it's called The Power of Acknowledgment”. And she contemplated that from I would say five to 10 seconds maximum. She said, “Write it”. That's all it was. And so I wrote it, took me about a year, it was my first book. And it was very exciting because I had a thousand stories already. And then I started reaching out to it, and I found that there was a whole scientific background for when you acknowledge people, when you express gratitude toward them, when people do that themselves, I mean all the hormones start flowing and chemicals get really, I mean I realized there's a whole science behind it too. I didn't know that at first.

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Ross  

But you felt it right?

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Judith  

I felt it. Yeah, I feel great every time I get now more often when I acknowledge someone in a heartfelt way. They just melt, a light comes on that was not there previously. And I've been called slightly obsessive-compulsive and obnoxious about it. I can not, not acknowledge somebody that deserves it or if I pay for it, sincerely.

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Ross  

You know our brain is an addict. It likes certain chemicals, likes certain feelings. And so, giving acknowledgment and heartfelt gratitude to someone else is a two-way uplift, it uplifts you as the giver and the receiver. So why wouldn't you want to keep repeating and being obsessive about it, and your brain is wired to be addicted to it. So I can imagine what unfold when you can't unsee that and you can't not experience it once you've experienced it. Really interesting.

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Judith  

I know. Yeah. And then the thing that I love about this is the impact is so unpredictable. For example, I'll give you one other story. I went to check-in for a flight and I'm always borderline late, I've never missed a flight, but I come this close. So I went on a long security line, it was a New York airport. And I get to the security guard, and he looks at my boarding pass. He looks at my driver's license, he looks and said “This is not you”, as he was holding up my boarding pass. I said, “What do you mean, it's not me?” I look at it, it’s this name from another country. I never heard the name before. I said, “Oh, my God, what am I going to do?” He said, “Don't worry.” He said, “You go to the ticket booth, you get a new ticket, you come right back in here, where you left off, I'll let you ride in the line. Don't worry about it. You're going to make your flight” and he smiled. He was like, so kind and I've almost had a heart attack.

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But I went and I got the new boarding pass, I came back. And he let me right in, sweet as sugar. And so I said, “Thank you so much”. And I went through, I get to the other end of security, and I go, “Oh, dear. I didn't acknowledge that man for being as kind as he was as customer oriented, as friendly as non-alarmist”. He could have said, “You're a terrorist, go this, the real security”. But he's miles behind me already in terms of the people between him and me. So I asked at the other end, I said, “That security guard was wonderful”. And I said, “Do you have just a form that I can fill out for his manager?”. That's something I love to do, too. And they looked at me they said, “We only have a complaint form”.

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Ross  

Doesn't that sum up society? Complaint forms. Where's the gratitude forms? Where's the opportunity to do that? We're not wired that way are we? You know as a society.

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Judith  

No, but I crossed it out. I get a new form, I put a line through “Complaint” and I wrote “Compliments”, and wasn't quite, compliments are not the same as an acknowledgment and I'll tell you about that later. But I wrote, just this wonderful acknowledgment of this TSA person. And I said he just couldn't have been nicer or friendlier, all the things I shared with you. And I sent it as, “And here's my email address, just let me know that you got this”, to his manager. And I didn't even know his manager was, I said manager “To Manager” of, and I had the guy's name because I saw his tag. Richard S. Brown, by the way. And so anyway, I sent it in and my conscience let me go on my flight. If I hadn't done that, I would have been tormenting myself. I shoulda, coulda, woulda, you know.

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So anyway, about a week later, I get an email from his boss. And he said, I have worked at LaGuardia Airport for 28 years. And I have never seen a compliment from a passenger at all, let alone anything as wonderful as yours. And he said, I'm going to be holding this TSA agent up as a model for how to deal with customers at a meeting of 200 TSA agents we're going to be having next week and then this goes on. 

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Okay, so I was thrilled, I couldn't have been happier. A week later, I get an email from Richard S. Brown. And he says, “I'm walking on air” because he got my name, he found out how to reach me. He said, “I am walking on air, I was held up as a model of how to deal with passengers at this huge meeting that we have. And I never anticipated this. And I have to sign off now because I have to go tell my 90-year-old mother, she'll be so proud”. 

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Ross  

How wonderful. It's a snowball effect. I want to ask the question, you mentioned the difference between a compliment and an acknowledgment, please share.

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Judith  

Yeah, yeah. And actually, I teach a whole module of my day long course, on the different distinction between recognition and acknowledgement. And recognition is more like a compliment. A compliment is, “Thanks for doing a good job, you did a good job”. And that's what recognition is, “Thanks for getting the report in on time, I really appreciated you staying late, thank you, it's helpful to the team”.

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What an acknowledgment is, it’s a communication that lets a person know that you know who they are as a human being. And you're acknowledging them for who they are, rather than what they do. So, when I acknowledged Richard Brown, it was, he was such a wonderful, friendly person, he made me feel so comfortable, and not like a terrorist. And he was non-alarmist, he just had so many wonderful qualities, as as a human being effectively is what I am saying. And so, and it always needs to be heartfelt. It's not just a surface thing. And people are afraid of that, people are afraid to do it and sometimes they do it and then the person will cry, the recipient will cry.

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Ross  

And this is something that you've been crafting and building momentum up of your experiences. So you've been layering up, how it works, how it affects others and observing and evolving your understanding, your approach and then to be able to share with others. How was that both, you've talked about it shaping your career, these various moments, that then some have been serendipity, some have been very intentional, and that you build them. Where else and what other, you must have worked with countless organizations to help them behave in this way. Share some stories of ones where it's really opened up a whole new world for an organization just like it has for you. And perhaps, listeners can be inspired by that activity of what happens when it's done inside companies.

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Judith  

Okay. Well, that's a great question. Thank you. I have about a thousand stories I could share with you. But I'll take this one because we had someone at IIL, who was determined to get me into a manufacturing company. And the message of the power of acknowledgment is seen as a little warm and fuzzy by some, but this account executive just knew I had to be in this company, took them two years to get me in. But once I was in and I was doing my full day course, and that was before the second book was written. The first course I taught was Leadership and The Power of Acknowledgement because the minute my book was published, IIL had me on the road training leaders and it was like, “I've never done this before. Oh my god, what am I gonna do?” they sent me to Trinidad the first time in case I bombed.

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Ross  

That's a wise move, to do experiments when you're doing something without the capability, mitigate risk by picking the way you do it. it's do your low-risk practice. In fact, it reminds me, sorry to interrupt, but I was at a talk with Chris Voss, he wrote “Never Split the Difference,” he was the FBI hostage negotiator for many, many years, one of the top ones. And I was at this, in February actually in Phoenix and they were giving us the training of low-risk repetitions of something. So if you're trying to learn something that's uncomfortable or you're doing it, i.e., everything's in negotiation, try and do this piece, but do it in low-risk scenarios. So you get your homework in. So then when it matters, i.e., in a terrorist situation, you can't split the difference well, just have half a hostage, it really matters. So I guess in a similar example for, “Okay, let's put you here and get you to practice, learn the skills, get the capability and confidence to then scale up.” Smart.

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Judith  

Yeah, exactly. Except that they had about 60 people there. And I almost went home when I saw that. I mean, it was scary. But I went through it. And then at one point, I have an exercise called the Knock your Socks Off Power of Acknowledgement Exercise, where I actually have people write a letter to somebody that they have never, deeply, profoundly, sincerely acknowledged in their past, from the career most often. But if they really have a relative that's knocking on their door, it's to be acknowledged, a parent or a child or somebody, they can do that. So that was the first time I'd ever done that exercise. And I gave them about 20 minutes to write a page, a letter, dear so and so, you've made an incredible difference in my life, because. And anyway so they're writing and they're writing and all of a sudden, I start hearing sobs from this corner, and that corner, and that corner, and I grabbed to the organizers. 

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And because I was in a panic, I said, “What's going on here?” they said, “Oh, it's great. This is wonderful. This is a breakthrough for them.” And that's what I found that this exercise does that to people because we all pay such a high price for not acknowledging the people who have done the most for us, in our careers, in our families, in our education, I could tell you so many stories about.

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Ross  

I guess that links to the other side, we've talked a lot about the positive outcomes of acknowledgment of how it uplifts, it connects emotionally, how it can change people's lives. What's the reverse? What's the cost of not acknowledging and not doing that?

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Judith  

Before I tell you that, can I keep in a suspense for a minute? You had asked me about, for a dramatic story about a customer, a company. So can I just tell you…

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Ross  

Of course, you can. The listeners will be waiting. It's like good storytelling. You leave them always wanting more, there's a, have you heard of the two rules of comedy? First of all, we always leave them wanting more. And that's it. So we've got them wanting more of that. So tell us the customer story.

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Judith  

So this account person that I have finally got me in the door at this manufacturing company, and car and truck. So I went there and the first time I was there was about 20 leaders, and they were all gathered around. Half of them felt they've been dragged there by this ear, by their boss, and not happy to be there at all. And after about I think, I really think it was about 20 minutes, maybe a half an hour. One of them starts frantically waving his hand, frantically. And I said, “Yes, what is it?” He said, “There’s this is woman sitting outside, her name is Jeanette. She's been here for 50 years. And I've thanked her for what she does. She greets our customers from all over the world. And she finds them room and board and everything but I never acknowledged her. And I need to go out and do that right now”. And I said, “Well, let's just give it a little while,” and then the other hand started “I need to acknowledge Jeannette also.” I mean, all these 20 leaders were frantically waving their hands. So we chose Tom the first one. I said, “All right, go out, you speak for everyone and give her a copy of my book while you're at it”. 

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So anyway, he comes back about 10 minutes later. And he's really just about in tears, he said “She was so moved, she had no idea what a difference her career had meant to us, she had no idea”. And I shared it on behalf of everyone. And then of course, everyone after that went out and thanked her and appreciated her and acknowledged her. And she was about to retire, she could have left, never knowing the difference she had made like deep, deep difference. So anyway, that had me back, and back and back again. They kept bringing me back.

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And at one point, there was a woman in my class, or one of the employees who was herself a trainer. But she just wanted to see what this course was like. And at the end of the course, she said to me, “Judy, I need to become certified to teach the grateful leadership course in our company”. And I said, “I'm really sorry, we don't have a certification program”. She said, “Well, get one then.”

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Ross  

Make one. So you went to your CEO. And your CEO went, “Do it.”

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Judith  

Well, I didn't even tell my CEO. She went around me. She got to the account manager, and the CEO. And then I got my… 

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Ross  

And it happens. 

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Judith  

And she became certified. And she's been teaching ever since five years ago. 

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Ross  

Wow.

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Judith  

And she loves it. She wishes she could teach at this company all over the world. She's still working on that. But right now she's in the US. And so…

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Ross  

I guess it refers to a deep connection that every human wants to contribute and wants to know that they matter. And so this is an opportunity for that to be highlighted. I want to see if we can give that closure of the cliffhanger we gave before in terms of what's the cost? If we are not doing this? What are the risks? What happens?

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Judith  

Well, I have seen what happened many times, I mean, people are lethargic, de-energized, they're not engaged. And there are all these employee engagement surveys, Gallup Organization has them. And very small percentages of people are engaged in their work. And they’re clock watching, especially now with remote work, and you can really get away with a lot. You could do whatever you want, and make sure you do the minimum in your job. So the performance is not as good. But the fact that they're not profoundly connected to the mission and purpose of the company, is a function of not being appreciated. Practically every time I speak publicly, somebody comes up to me afterwards and said, “I left my job because I wasn't appreciated.” And in fact, somebody at this manufacturing company, I do a little survey of “When was the last time you were acknowledged, praised or appreciated for what you contribute to the organization?” And usually, it's within I give them four choices: past week, month, year or not at all. Well, only three times in my whole career have people said not at all, that's very rare. But the stories, those were heartbreaking. But usually, it's in the past month it’s a pretty good measure. 

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But one time I'll never forget, I was at a major software company presenting and when I said week, month, year, and not at all, somebody raised her hand she said, “What about the past day?” And I went, I laughed a little, I said “Are you sure you want me to ask that?” she said “Yes.” And there were people that have been flown in from all over the world to take my course and do some other things too. But I was there for a day and when I asked them, every hand in that group went up within the past day. They had been acknowledged, appreciated.

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Ross  

Wow, amazing culture to build in it. It will snowball and become addictive so we'll have, connection, we'll have engagement and we'll have just deep care. We're human beings. I've got a couple of questions that I'd really like our listeners to benefit from. And the first one's a piece that you have in terms of these five C's of acknowledgment. And I wonder if you could just share, perhaps all five or a couple of the most important ones. And to help people really connect in deeply with your definition of acknowledgment and how they can do it to the maximum and best way.

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Judith  

Okay, sure. And I have to say that the five C's are a tool that many people, like they put them on their laptops, they shoot them and paste them on their laptops, or they put them on their office walls, because it's very handy. And I think I mentioned to you before that I'd be delighted to send any of your listeners a copy of the 5 C's.

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Ross  

We'll put a link on the podcast transcript page and things. So we'll get a link out, that'll be awesome to these 5 C’s but describe a couple of them for us. 

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Judith  

Okay, well, the first one is consciousness. You must be aware of the acknowledgments that are floating around in your brain, they may not come out of your mouth or on your keyboard, to end up in an acknowledgment. But you think these things all the time, like, “Oh my god, that was the best customer service I've ever received.” Now, a lot of people won't bother to tell the server, that it was the best customer service. Or we're thinking of a colleague, she's great at this, she's made such a difference on our team. And I've had people come up to me and tell me something wonderful about somebody else. 

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And I'll say to them, Have you told her yourself this? “No,” I take them by the hand, in the good old days, I would take them by the hand and take them to that person and say, “Tell them what you just told me,” so we have these things floating around in our brain that we just often don't deliver. 

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So the second C is for choice, I choose to deliver the acknowledgments that are floating around in my brain, they're not going to just swim around like tropical fish in the tank pretty to look at but not to give to somebody, I choose to give them whenever I can. And then just this consciousness and the choice to do that starts making the opportunity greate.

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Then the third C is courage. And that one is critical. It really, really is critical because for a lot of us, it takes courage to make ourselves vulnerable enough to let another person know how we really feel. I may get teary when I deliver the acknowledgment, they may get teary, I have to make myself vulnerable, I have to open my heart. And sometimes it's like, I'm not sure I want to take that risk. So I do a lot of work on the courage factor and the work of Brené Brown, the social scientist is amazing in terms of the power of vulnerability, making oneself vulnerable is the cornerstone of connection and joy and all these other things.

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Ross  

It underpins learning. Because we have to be vulnerable to know that we don't have the answer. It's the opposite to knowledge. And the very state of accepting a journey of learning is to be vulnerable. And I find that just really fascinating as an area. I think but yeah, I interrupted to you, proceed the next one.

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Judith  

No it's okay, but you're right. I mean it is. And everything I'm talking about today is learning, I learn all the time. That not to let that one go, because sometimes I'll say, “Well, they're too busy. I don't want to bother them.” And I can come up with excuses too, but I don't let myself get away with it.

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Ross  

Catch it in the moment.

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Judith  

Yeah, I learned that the cost is high, of letting go and overlooking it. So the fourth C is communication, that's just how you’re going to do it. And there are zillion ways to communicate. 

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Ross  

Like you said old fashioned writing a letter.

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Judith

Oh my gosh.

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Ross

How powerful that can be because you can have time, you can think about it, and the person can then read that themselves. And that might take a different type of courage to write something than it does to do face to face. Both can be super valuable. So yeah, I guess there's loads of different ways we can communicate it.

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Judith  

Yeah and it doesn't matter whether it's Skype or skywriting, they're out there, those ways are out there. And in fact, I'm having a guest on one of our monthly webinars, we have a center for grateful leadership. And every month we have a webinar and our guest in an upcoming webinar is Douglas Conant who used to be the CEO of Campbell's Soup Company. And he is famous world-renowned for many things. But in my book, he's most famous for having written 30,000 letters, handwritten letters of appreciation to his employees. 

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Ross  

Wonderful.

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Judith  

30,000 during his tenure at Campbell’s Soup Company 

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Ross  

Love it.

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Judith  

So you're right, handwritten letters are, I mean you cannot throw away a handwritten letter.

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Ross  

In fact, I'm just going to grab one here from a friend of mine who's working on our documentary film, and out of the blue in comes a little postcard, with a thank you piece on it. You know, “Thank you for your friendship. I'm glad we're finally getting to collaborate together. Here's to many successful ventures.” Just wonderful nice, nice little piece. And somebody who I've aspired to be around for a long time. He's a 15 times award-winning, Emmy award winning director, wonderful guy. And he took the time to write me a little note. And that, like you say, it really touched me. It was heartfelt and it was and I keep it, it's lovely, I like it's an old letterpress printed piece, it's very tactile. 

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Judith  

Yeah, you couldn't throw that away if somebody…

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Ross  

We're on the last C, so.

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Judith  

Yes, we're on the last C.  And that is commitment. And that takes a personal statement that I am going to do this from now on. I see the value, I see the cost of not doing it. So I'm committed in my work life, my personal life, and I had somebody come and tell me, he said “Thank you for transforming my relationship with my wife.” I said, “Wow, that wasn't part of the program.” He said, “I know, but I learned it there for my work and it applies to life as well,” which is absolutely the truth.

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Ross  

I love it. So it was, from memory, it was a conscious, choice, commitment. No, no.

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Judith  

Courage.

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Ross  

Courage. And then commitment. 

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Judith  

Communication. 

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Ross  

Communication, then commitment. Great. Okay. I need one of the little sticky pieces. Conscious, choice, courage, communication, commitment. 

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Judith  

Very good. Consciousness.

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Ross  

Consciousness. I love it.

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Judith  

And the other broader commitment that's even more critical is from an organizational point of view, I have people who take my course and or attend a webinar or see a program I've done on IIL online conference, and they say, “I want to bring this into my organization.” And for them to be able to motivate and inspire other leaders. And sometimes their team becomes so engaged and alive and lively, that people are wondering, “What did they drink for breakfast? What potion did they take?” and then they explained it was just opening their eyes to the importance of acknowledgement, gratitude. So, they can then get their organization more engaged a little bit at a time, but I always say it only takes one person to make that difference. And it's hard work.

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Ross  

It is. There's a coach called Lee Brower and he's part of the Strategic Coach Network and he has something in fact, he was in The Secret. I don't know if you've ever watched The Secret. He’s the one with the rocks and the the pebbles that he carries around, but he has something called Big and everyday he started… 

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Judith  

Big?

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Ross  

 Big. B,I,G. And it's Begin In Gratitude.

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Judith

Oh, I love it!

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Ross  

And it's a wonderful way. And as soon as I heard that… 

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Judith  

I’m writing this down.

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Ross  

I was in Chicago at the time. And it was after a long day of workshops. And we were upstairs in a suite area with a few of the colleagues that had been on this workshop course, that strategic coach and he was there. And somebody else said, “Oh, you've got to meet Lee.” And I met him and we were talking and they said, “Oh, this is the BIG guy.” And I said, “Big?” And he said, “Yeah, Begin In Gratitude.” and it just resonated, it's some of those just little things and whenever we all have our daily routines and practices and then we call upon things that moments that either have become a habit, an atomic habit that we have. Or they're in our toolkit for when we're facing a challenge when we're in a certain level of uncertainty. And I want to link this a little bit to some of our work in Adaptability. And one of the key…

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Judith  

Would you do, interrupt you for one second?  Who was the person who said that?

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Ross  

Oh, Lee Brower, Lee Brower.

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Judith 

How do you spell Brower?

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Ross

B, R, O, W, E, R. I believe, we can put him in the links.

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Judith  

Okay, I love that, I haven't heard that before.

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Ross  

He's got an amazing voice. He does a weekly video of just his think thoughts, his philosophies, his various bits, really wonderful, wonderful. Giving character. 

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Judith  

Wow. Amazing.

Ross  

Yeah, very profound. So the link that I was, that had connected in my mind around, essentially, a lot of organizations for a long time have had challenge around soft skills and the value of them. How hard they are to teach, how hard they are to learn and are they non-essential. And it's the airy-fairy as you mentioned, you know first book is a little bit out there versus, no these are the underpinnings of human society, of teamwork. And for us, one of the critical factors of adaptability to respond to change is hope.

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And I'm wondering what the link might be between gratitude and acknowledgement and an uplift in hope. Because without hope, we have no future, we have no desire, no reason to adapt, no reason to change. And so this could become the fuel that is topping up the tank of hope for people. 

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Judith  

Oh, I love that.

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Ross  

And it would be interesting. But I like you to dive in just before we finish off about leadership, and you share seven principles of grateful leadership. And I wonder if you could just pick one or two that you think people could focus on as a result of listening to you, before they undoubtedly seek you out, get your books, get on your webinars and your courses. 

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Judith  

Thank you.

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Ross 

And these principles, these seven principles, which one or two do you think are the big ones that they could just take away?

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Judith  

Well, I also have a little poster of the Seven Principles of Acknowledgments.

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Ross  

We’ll get that on the link as well. But coming from the creator, just pick a couple. 

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Judith  

Yeah, I would say. Number five, truthful, heartfelt and deserved acknowledgment always makes a difference, sometimes a profound one in a person's life and work. And I mean, the stories I've heard about this. I mean acknowledgments, I have somebody who got certified to be a grateful leadership instructor, in addition to the original person and she tells a story about how when she was a waitress, she got into this long conversation with a young girl and they just kept talking and she kept drawing the girl out for some reason she felt that there was something going on with her. And she just let her know that she was really interested and listened. And anyway the girl had ordered, like a six-course meal at the restaurant. Anyway, they had a great conversation. They left. I mean, the young woman left. The next day, her mother comes back with her. And they're sitting and eating and the waitress was very happy to see her again. When the young girl went to the ladies room, the mother went over to Kathy is her name. And she said, “You just saved my daughter's life.” I didn't know this at the time, but she was ordering her last meal from you. That was her last meal. And she told me that, I get choked up as I say this, but she said, that conversation it literally saved her life.

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Ross  

Wow. Your consciousness to be aware, to ask questions to be vulnerable and seek it in others. And it reminds me of another quote from Dan Sullivan, about all progress starts with the truth. And so an acknowledgment that isn't grounded in truth and heartfelt truth isn't going to have the same impact. 

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Judith  

Oh, it’s going to have the opposite impact. Sometimes people who hear about my work, not the ones who take a course or listen to something, read my book, but ones who think, “Oh that's a good idea, I'll just put that to work.” And they make it up, and it's insincere. It's inauthentic. And people smell that a mile away. And it's not an acknowledgment, it's a manipulation. 

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Ross  

Yes.

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Judith  

Get them to work harder and forget about.

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Ross  

Finishing on this point here in terms of it’s a powerful tool, but used in the right way, it can have incredible benefits, and seek truth from it, the authenticity and just taking a moment to pause and have time to be able to do it and use this well. And it's in all of us like you said, we've got these tropical fish in our minds running around, that we need to just choose to do something with. So if I can encourage people to do something today, do something now, where you find somebody that you can share a heartfelt acknowledgment of gratitude of how they have either affected you or someone else. 

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For me, I'm going to do that straight away. My wife is currently out walking our dogs this evening. And when she comes back, I'll have had the time to really deeply think what I'm grateful for. And I'm excited to do that. So thank you, Judy. It's been a real, real learning for me. And I'm sure our listeners as well, I'm very grateful for your time.

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Judith  

Can I just say two things? 

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Ross  

Of course, you can. Yeah.

Judith  

Or maybe a quick three. One I want to leave you and your listeners with this thought. There is never an expiration date on an acknowledgment. And I had people in my courses go back to fifth-grade teacher who changed their lives and find them. Because I always say IIL runs this little detective agency, we can help you find if you want to find somebody and you don't know how to do it, come to me. That's one thing. 

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And then you left your listeners with this great thought about hope connecting this to hope. And I love that I'm very moved by that. Because these are dark times. These are really, really dark and frightening times. And when we can focus on gratitude and appreciation and acknowledge somebody, creates these little bursts of light in the darkness. That's what they are. Now more than ever.

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Ross  

There’s isolation, there’s anxiety and there's disconnection, without us choosing to be disconnected. For many countries in lots of places, we're forced to be disconnected. But there's a difference between social distancing and physical distancing. We don't have to be socially distant, physically distant, yes. But socially distant, no. So taking this opportunity, like you say, to send out these little lightning bolts of hope and it will be a ripple effect. And I am confident that the world and humanity is thanking you for sharing this for many people to bring it into their lives is wonderful. 

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Judith  

And to the lives of others, more importantly.

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Ross  

And that's been great. And if people want to get in touch with you, what's the best way of them getting in touch with you? Is it LinkedIn? Is it through the IIL? Where's the best way, Judy?

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Judith  

Oh, thank you for asking that. I was gonna sneak that in as my third point of view if you didn’t asked.

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Ross  

I got you, I got you covered.

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Judith  

Thank you. Okay, first of all, everyone should join the Center for Grateful Leadership, go to www.GratefulLeadership.com, that's two L's, and just join it takes 30 seconds to join. And then it's free and monthly webinars and I do a weekly podcast. And they should do that. And then my email address I love direct communications, is (judy.umlas@iil.com) Judy J U D Y .umlas U, M as in Mary, L as in Larry, a Apple, S Sam umlas@iil.com.

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Ross  

Perfect that’s very kind of you to offer out your personal email. And I'm excited to hear the stories of people that may have listened to this. And it's encouraged them to do something, and given them the courage to do so. So thank you. And I look forward to our relationship growing as well, Judy.

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Judith  

Yes, and I thank you for a beautiful interview. Really, you made it just like the conversation. And it was absolutely wonderful and hopefully difference-making.

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Ross  

We hope so. Thank you, Judy.

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Judith  

Thank you. Thank you, Ross.

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Voiceover  

Do you have the level of adaptability to survive and thrive in the rapid changes ahead? Has your resilience got more comeback than a yo-yo? Do you have the ability to unlearn in order to reskill, upskill, and break through? Find out today and uncover your adaptability profile and score your AQ visit "AQai.io" To gain your personalized report across 15 scientifically validated dimensions of adaptability for limited time enter code "Podcast65" for a complimentary AQ me assessment. AQ AI transforming the way people, teams, and organizations navigate change.

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Outro

Thank you for listening to this episode of Decoding AQ. Please make sure you subscribe to your favorite podcast directory, and we'd love to hear your feedback. Please leave a review and be sure to tune in next time for more insights from our amazing guests.

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